Status #1484

When I look, I mean 'really' look at the family [...]


Queensbury, West Yorkshire
via The Full Circle Project
When I look, I mean 'really' look at the family I was born amongst, many of them sicken my senses. I see literal 'dead people'. Mindlessly meandering on degenerative apps. Tugging along their captive companions, neck bound by chain. I see restless authority in the eyes of happiness-deficient actors, scripting their own misfortune. I see false hope in the faces of the imposters "The next one WILL be better for sure.. maybe". I see children fixated on celebrity washouts, bereft of true inspiration. I look for a while, a shake of the head and sigh. This is all consuming, even pretending to be different gets tiresome. At this point my usual resignation is solitude and a green sanctuary, but even that is being brutalised by hapless fanatics, intent on ownership of every nature. I am free in mind, they key is securely stored in the deepest vault door. How long will I endure this time before needing separation from my kinship, whom become even less familiar by the day? I feel a change in progress for sure, but that progress is testing the absolute limit of my humility and compassion. I return here for a brief reprieve, to find more additions in transition. I hold hope for every one of you, that you may find your own sanctuary amongst the family, but mine is losing appeal by the hour. Wake me up when September ends.. somone once said.
Shahari
For your reasons are why my family is looking for its tribe, not by birth but by how we want to live on this earth and those that want to make this world a better place!
Saturday 29 August 2015, 00:39:01
starfall
Perfect Shahari. Thank you for the reminder my friend. Sometimes I feel a need to reflect my thought, and after a prolonged period within the urban-shuffle, I imagine I'm beginning to experience those powerful resentments that initially urged me into perpetual exile. Thank you for your words. Peace always.
Saturday 29 August 2015, 06:48:22
Kya
Same here, I feel my mother will be the death of me. Believing in propaganda, always watching the news believing it as truth, and being as stubborn as she is, thinks she's right about everything because of that fact alone. She keeps trying to get me to go to the doctor for my yearly checkup, when I'm in great health now (no thanks to their system). She thinks if you don't go to the doctor, and they don't "catch" something that you'll get cancer or something lol. Many of us are venting on here, as this is a place of support. I sometimes feel what I say may be misconstrued, but I never cared what others thought about me or explaining myself to anyone. I see many know what each of us are going through wherever we're located and just be there to assist and support one another. Much love and light to you!
Saturday 29 August 2015, 12:39:48
[deleted user]
Hey Starfall I hear what your saying. Been feeling a similar vibration myself lately.I try (not often successfully lol) and take solace in the knowledge its just a temporary state of mind and that something will happen that will switch me back to a higher vibration. My breakthrough came a couple of days ago and now I'm surfing the wave before I crash again (which will happen there's no point denying) but in the meantime I'm trying to connect people together using this website so we can meet up and discuss ways and means of taking positive action. I'm a little far from you but our paths may meet sometime until than I wish you well on your journey x
Saturday 29 August 2015, 14:29:39
starfall
Fred and Kya, such positive words and I am very thankful for your thoughts. I enjoy nothing more, than to meet up with others on this journey Fred, I have met a number of people who are transitioning from the psychopathy back into natural alignment and every meeting is like a breath of fresh air. I guess we all need the reminders from time to time, we are unlearning at least a lifetime's worth of apathy and imposed ideology. I am glad that I vented, as it truly strengthens my resolve and reminds me why I was jolted into consciousness. It's a battle raging, one that some of us have already won on the inside. Our empathy leads us to want to help guide others towards the beautiful existence, but the 'system' pushes back every time. It recognises our presence and tries to alert the sentries, scrambles the defensive automatons to try repress our will. There isn't a darn thing the system can do to break my resolve, I can tell you. For if I spend only one more breath, it will be a breath of truth and natural awareness. I need to remind my self of how fortunate I am, at least I'm not still trapped within the control structure, serving the psychopathy. Peace to you all.
Saturday 29 August 2015, 18:33:48
Kya
I keep speaking the truth as well, as I cannot do anymore of the sheeple's small talk, never have really. I can really talk to people I work with though about anything. Seems night shifters are much more awake than day shifters, exactly the same extremes in the way people act (like night and day). I am meeting my mother for dinner Sun or Tues and am going to try and bring up things she has to question for herself. I have had 0 headway with her my entire life, as she always debunks everything I say in a very defensive manner
. Any suggestions on how to go about this?
Saturday 29 August 2015, 20:33:24
starfall
The best approach is possibly to plant a small seed and walk away, not literally, unless her presence is restricting to an extreme. I guess I'e walked away from a lot of folk who I considered to be 'close' friends and even family members. Others I have endured difficult conversations, where It could have led to frustration. I've come to realise that if/when a person is ready to listen they will instigate the conversation, otherwise it's kind of futile. Just my experience, I imagine every situation is unique in that respect.
Saturday 29 August 2015, 20:41:51
Kya
Same with her. I cannot even ask her a question without her spewing about how this is the way it is blah blah blah. She still believes organic and GMO foods are the same, there's no difference. Most of the food she buys is processed junk. I just gave up with her and many others, as it's gonna take something fierce to awaken them- such as an illness or something.
Saturday 29 August 2015, 21:03:26
XOmi
WORD!
Saturday 29 August 2015, 22:03:15
William Genske
Almost lost a relationship with a family member as a result of making assertions that would make her question the reality she lives in. It is too scary and frankly "offensive" to her that a conspiracy of incredible proportions might be taking place. I have had to surrender to the notion that some people will never be ready. I have backed off and realised that part of the divide and conquer strategy relies on this type of dynamic. It is an unfortunate truth we live with.
Friday 25 September 2015, 15:54:15
XOmi
I hear you William, same thing with friends/colleagues/neighbors/etc.. It is quite frustrating having to see everybody asleep and non-aware of anything past Bread&Circuses, while the vampires keep sucking the leftover life energy away.. A while ago I've heard something about something called Wetiko, but not sure if it holds water... but it sure does sound familiar.
Sunday 27 September 2015, 10:35:16
lifeline
Hi starfall, I hope all is well. This is the opinion that my husband now has for his family. We have three kids, and he has turned his back on us. We are not a materialistic family. My kids do not woo over celebrities. We have really great kids. My husband has stated that I am a vampire, but that is far from the truth. His opinion of life is different, but I never talk down to him, but he does me. Leaving me in a state of sadness. It is frustrating to see people asleep, but when does it become abuse to the people that are supposed to be loved and cared for? I always knew that we were being told half truths, but it was never clear until I got older. I try to see things through the eyes of my partner, and when I do not agree, I just let it be. He however, wants to degrade me and tell me how blind I am, and bashes me with unkind words. So i feel it is a little unfair to find the truth, yet throw your family away just because the rest of the family does not agree with him. Mind you the kids are young and one is a teen. I see people talk about love and light, and spirituality, yet we are being victimized because we are not fully awakened. How is that fair? Is It fair to say that it is okay to leave your family because you are now more spiritually awakened, and that your wife and kids do not matter anymore? I do not understand the concept of being awakened, yet leaving your family behind because of it? Maybe you could enlighten me on this because I am now left to pick up the pieces of my family. A family mind you that he said he cared and loved. I am not bashing my husband or you in any way. I truly need to see how this all fits in. How does one say they are fully awake, and then leaves their family because of it? I think to myself, try telling that to our four year old who now cries all the time. Fearful that her mommy might leave her too. I see all the bad things that go on in the world, and my heart goes out to those that are being hurt. My husband would cry for all the children being killed in Gaza. I do too. It is a horrible thing. Yet has no convictions to being cruel to me verbally. All because I am not fully awake he says. I have done many things to help others, and never asked a penny in return. I do not prance around telling others of the things I have done to make life better for others. My works and good deeds are not publicly displayed because I don't feel the need to brag about them. I not only help my family but strangers as well. Yet, to my husband I am a vampire? How is this possible when I am not the one starting the fights? I try to live a peaceful life, and make everyone happy. Especially him. Please help me shed some light on this subject because I am really hurt by all this. He says look within myself and I will find the answers. That is really hard when I did nothing wrong but love him, and support him. Not that it matters anymore because he has abandoned us. I just need closure to help heal from all this. Thanks my friend, and stay blessed.
Tuesday 10 November 2015, 11:45:59
Shahari
Well, obviously he is not truly awake! Most of are still stuck between two worlds, the one we want and the one that our ego is projecting. I have found myself in this position many times over the last couple of years. Being a part of the transition of humanity should start with improving oneself and their relationships with their families and others in their community first. It sounds like he is taking his frustrations out on the ones closest to him, which I have done also. Now I am working on healing those relationships. I found this woman, Mirabai Devi (mirabaidevi.com) who is committed to helping light workers heal personal relationships (past and present)and with spouses lineage. I am in the process of starting this work. I have had to heal many past negative relationships to get to this point. I know this does not make things better for you in the now, but maybe down the road you will find clarity and not take so much responsibility for your husband's actions, he is fighting his own battle. Peace, love and joy to you and your family!
Wednesday 11 November 2015, 17:17:37
lifeline
Thanks Shahari, I appreciate your kind words. I will look her up. It is not easy being a single parent. Especially, when I was left to pick up the pieces. My poor girls are so hurt, and upset by the way he left, and our life was turned upside down. I wish I could stay at home, and be able to give my attention to my little one, but I have to work. We do not have a lot of bills because we live frugal, but we do have to eat. I refuse to get on government assistance so I work to pay our bills. I just want to heal now and keep my family from being hurt again. Despite what my husband thinks of me, I do know the world is not a safe place, and that we are being controlled by others. I may not know everything, but I do know that my home is the first place to start working on if I want peace and harmony to reflect off of me, and onto others. I appreciate the website. I am going to check it out now. Peace, love, and joy be with you and your family as well.
Thursday 12 November 2015, 03:45:15
lifeline
I also Shahari, have been hurt by so many in my past. Even people who were my family and friends. I do not hold ill will towards them. I have even forgiven the man that molested me for years as a child. I do not talk to him or ever want too, but through forgiveness it gave me closure. I do not have people that I hate. I may feel hurt by them, but I have learned to let it go. I am however hurt by my circumstance now. This will be something that I will work on to close that chapter in my life, and move on to another. Thanks so much. Peace and happiness be with you.
Thursday 12 November 2015, 03:51:54
Shahari
Thanks Lifeline! My advice is to use government assistance while you are getting things together, that is what is there for. You have paid into the system so it is there for you when you need it. It sounds like you could use a helping hand. Thanks for sharing also, most women I know including myself have been thru some sort of sexual abuse, I have been working thru my wounds with that also. As for the world being a bad place, this is a place for us as a collective to turn that mindset around and adopt the attitude of what an amazing wonderful world we live in. I have a very hard time maintaining that on a daily basis, but make it a part of my daily ritual to remind myself to bring in the light. Again, Peace Sister!!!
Thursday 12 November 2015, 04:04:47
lifeline
Thank you so much Sharhari for your kind words. It has been so hard here. I can't do government assistance. I don't have it in me to bother with it. I am working as hard as I can to keep my family ok. The good thing is that I do not have to pay rent because I have my home paid off. The hardest thing in my life is trying to understand why my husband feels the way he does, when I did nothing wrong. He found the truth, and would tell us about the new things he read. Many things I already knew, but I was more worried how he treated the family than what was going on in the world. I was living day by day with one day good, and then some days bad. I would have loved to start up a project to help the world, but I knew we had to fix our lives first. We could not help others until we got our life in order. Now, I am trying to heal myself before bitterness sets in. It hurts not only me, but my girls that he would rather help out other people than work on his family who loves him and needs him. I appreciate the site you sent me. I am going to sign up for a online healing session to help me cope with all this. Many blessing to you to my sister.
Sunday 15 November 2015, 20:50:17
starfall
Hi Lifeline. Apologies for my late response to your very candid post. I didn't immediately respond, partly because I can't even begin to internalise the the conviction or decisive factors that are driving your husbands intentions, and partly because I'm not entirely sure how it relates to my feeling of disenfranchisement of the Western societal 'family'. I feel that my use of the word 'family' may be construed in the Nuclear sense, rather than the intended genus sense. I have no authority or purpose in trying to rationalise why your husband has seemingly rejected his paternal responsibilities in order to pursue a quest for truth, I imagine that only his Self can answer that question. That is not to say that I do not wish to convey my sympathy for your situation, I extend my love and compassion to yourself and your children. Stay strong and take time to truly know your Self, it is only there you will find sanctuary. Beware of state-sponsored solicitors of knowledge, especially with regards to emotional welfare and 'treatment', they are predominantly engendered with financial or socially-contracted prejudice. Perhaps a realisation that if his conviction is so strong that he feels it necessary to depart from your family environment, then even attempting to dissuade him could possibly lead to more trauma and regret. As I said, I can't personally internalise your predicament, and as ideological as it may sound, I would encourage you to not internalise his. You are completely different Selfs, the fact that you have shared experience and opinions doesn't qualify an affinity of conscience. Know yours and reconcile with his. Perhaps the alternative is detrimental to your personal journey. Love and peace to you, my friend.
Sunday 15 November 2015, 21:24:59
lifeline
Thanks so much for your response starfall. I do not mind the late response. I am just very hurt by my husbands actions. Your post was not offensive to me, and I just want you to know that. My concern was that my husband would read up on things in this world, and then criticize his family. Like tv for example, we did not watch it all the time, and for the most part my kids loved to be outside playing, but they also liked to watch movies too. My husband would say turn it off, because it was rotting our brains. However, we could decipher what was true and what was not. My daughter has a phone, and he would say she was stuck in it when she was not. She had friends she talked too, but it was only because she had no one here to talk too. She was so close to him, but he pushed her away with all his criticism. I would try to explain to him if you want people to see the truth you have to plant a seed, and walk away. That people would shut him out if he was talking down to them, but he let his ego get in the way. He would tell me how stupid I was for not listening to him, or that I was a vampire because I brought him down. When I did nothing at all. I became a slave to him. I did everything to make him happy, but nothing was good enough. When he was sick or wanted me to hold him, I was there. When i was sick he would just say take a asprin and go to bed. There were few times he showed compassion for me. All because he felt i was cheating on him, and because he said I was a condescending liar. I never lied to him, or cheated on him. He had this in his head, and would not let go of it. I helped him find his way to the truth, and once he felt he knew more than everyone he started to talk down to us. He did not like his family anymore because we were like everyone else. How is that possible when we are not materialistic. We just wanted to be a family, and do things together as a family like go to the park, or lake. You know, living the simple life, but he always felt we did not love him or want him. When I was forever begging for his attention. Because when you love someone you just want to be with them, and make a difference in the world. Especially as a family. When I read your post I took it as he would say it. For that I apologize. I know there is a greater life after this one, and I am waiting for the day when I will not have to see suffering anymore, but at the moment life is heartbreaking. He tries to tell me that it wont work, but I though if you truly knew yourself, and loved someone than you would work on being a family. Even if those around you do not share the same opinion it should be ok so long as they do not put the opinion on you. They are just kids, and do not understand the ways of the world, but they are learning. I am also learning as well, but I also know that family is one of the most important things in life. Without family life can be lonely. We have friends, but family is a bond that last forever. I just don't understand why he would put his need for becoming one with himself, and then leaving his family instead of working on it, and being the father and husband he promised to be. I apologize again startfall for my rambling. As you can see I am still hurting. I am grateful for the link Shahari sent me (Mirabai Devi). I know I need spiritual healing, and at the moment my head is cloudy from all the stress of being a single mother with little to no help. Not to mention I do not have much people to rely on to help me. So basically we are on our own. Love and Peace be with you Starfall.
Monday 16 November 2015, 00:34:14
lifeline
https://youtube.com/watch/… This woman is spot on with what I am trying to say about my relationship. I think she did an excellent job in what we are all striving to be. What good is finding the truth and trying to fix the world when you do not have peace at home. This is exactly what I have been saying throughout my whole life. What good is it trying to fix the world when you do not have peace in your life. You lose out on helping the world be peaceful. You lose out on relationships that matter because of difference in opinion. Great post to the person who posted it.
Monday 16 November 2015, 01:43:25
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